Change Happens offers a unique and targeted therapy approach for men seeking individual and same-sex relationship therapy  

There are many counsellors and therapists today who claim to have expertise with gay men’s issues because they feel they understand the challenges faced by gay men.

At Change Happens we offer individual sessions and relationship therapy for same sex-attracted men.

Working with men is a specialised field of therapy with many competing and complex issues, often stemming from early childhood and as young adults. I have been working with men for over 25 years and understand the intricate nature of what it means to work with gay men.

I have found most men come with concerns about their relationships, self-esteem, aloneness, questions on sexual orientation or identity, the impact of internalised homophobia, and shame while seeking satisfying and intimate relationships. I also work with men who identify as straight yet, have sex with other men.

It is common for gay men to experience discrimination, homophobic abuse, being outed and ridiculed and shamed for being different. Shame limits and inhibits self-expression and personal freedom. It is my experience when speaking with men who have experienced these painful past hurts that they can hold a powerful place of supporting those internal self-criticisms and limiting beliefs.

It is not unusual to hear, “I’m not good enough”, “or not loveable”, “I’m damaged”, “I can’t trust others”, or “the world is not trustworthy”. These types of negative and powerful self-beliefs are internalised, emerging and becoming a personal truth of limitation.

For some gay men they are creative in their survival despite being in a world that doesn’t get them. They create ways of deflecting from those painful times. Some immerse themselves in work and or, in levels of risky behaviours in the hope of seeking acceptance and validation. Breaking the cycle of low self-esteem can help change to happen in your life.

Everyone deserves a relationship that will thrive, to experience and feel love, connection, and security. Communication is at the heart of any relationship and requires ongoing and considered attention.

In any relationship there will be communication differences with relational intimacy a priority. Having honesty, trust and connection can be challenging for any couple to establish. In gay relationships, I often hear of betrayal, secrecy, dismissing the others emotional pain a loss in trust. Communication differences arrive from past relationship experiences, family of origin communication patters, not being listened to, feeling insecure or being criticised. Learning to understand your relationship communication preference, requires you to know yourself more and to understand your communication blind spots to help your relationship thrive.

Perhaps you are only realising that you are gay, bi-sexual, pansexual, non-binary or queer. Perhaps you are married and are now stepping out from hiding your personal struggle with your sexual orientation.

Every gay, bi-sexual, queer, pansexual, non-binary person has struggled in navigating their way to understand what is happening internally for them. No matter what you have experienced in coming to terms with being different, can have long reaching effects on your sense of self.  Despite today’s visibility of queer life, stigma of homosexuality remains. The fear of being outed, ridiculed, the family’s non-acceptance of you, the fear of rejection or being isolated impacts every queer person. Those experiences when internalised become a weapon against being open and free to living your life.

If you are struggle with coming out, know that you are not alone. Coming along to discuss how you can live your life in a meaningful way is a positive step towards a more meaningful life.

Most gay men know they are different to other boys when growing up. Today there is more acceptance in the wider society however, for some men feeling isolated and alone is common. Some men choose to follow the conventional way of life and live a heteronormative straight life by hiding and denying their sexual preference, while some act on their preference in secrecy.

Going against the norm as a gay man in a straight world takes courage and determination.  There are conventions and ways of behaving that are not acceptable in some parts of society where homosexuality is clearly condemned. In the world at large there are movements, religions and cultural norms that condemn being gay or same sex attracted. Some countries go as far as imprisonment, and punishment.  

You may have experienced prejudice, homophobia, resentment, discrimination or emotional and/or physical abuse. These experiences can stop you becoming the person you want to be. They can also cause you to have a low opinion of yourself, finding solace in the overuse of risky behaviours to sooth your emotional pain.

If you are finding your way in understanding your same sex-attraction, then in coming to therapy, we can work together to gain a clearer understanding of how this is impacting you and how we can find a way to move towards the life you want.  

What connects the first four issues is the question, “what does this mean for me?” Resolving a crisis of meaning is all about reaching the place, where you can be honest and authentic. It’s about no longer needing to compensate for shame and living a life without having to fill it with risky, dismissive behaviours or outdated critical and negative beliefs that no longer serve you.

When you drop the struggle with shame and recognise life as it is without judgement you find greater freedom. It is freedom to be who you are, exactly as you are. The only real meaning in life is found in being who you are right now, without apologies.

If you are serious about having a more meaningful life, the first step is to drop the internal struggle with yourself and come along to explore how you want to live a meaningful way.