Straight Men and Pegging
More and more identified cis-straight men are taking pleasure in a type of anal sex that is taboo in many relationships. Pegging has been around for a considerable time having its claim to fame in the TV series Broad City and yet, remains mostly a secret between men and their partners. The societal pressures and homophobia concerns is that anal play is only for gay men and participating and having pleasure from being pegged is beyond most couples understanding. Any man who enjoys being pegged must be gay! More men are coming to my practice who enjoy pegging and yet are afraid to speak openly about it.
Having an underlying desire for, and pleasure in being pegged, can trigger a range of negative responses. Pegging is where a cis-straight women penetrates their male partner anally with a strap-on dildo. A role reversal where the change in the gendered power exchange is immediate. The woman can have more control over the timing, pace, and rhythm of the pleasure they are providing to their partner.
As an important lesson from engaging in the experience, men learn how to respond as the receiver with their partner and importantly what it’s like to be penetrated which can add to their understanding for their partner when having penetrative sex.
Anal sex has been stereotyped as a gay mans business, but the truth is there are straight men in relationships that enjoy pegging as they have the same pleasure response when the perineum, the area between the testicles and anus, is massaged and played with. Slipping a finger in the anus can also be exciting for men. Fuller orgasms can occur when the prostate gland is stimulated and is closely associated with the perineum area. Anyone can enjoy anal play. It’s more about breaking down those barriers and taboos that get in the way.
Fundamentally having desires for what others will judge as disgusting, homophobic or shameful can drive the desire for pleasure underground. With pegging it’s no different in that the desire can become a secret, one that is seen as sex-negative, driving the man to take this act of pleasure outside the relationship. Acknowledging the secret doesn’t have to be a troubling recognition of something that is bad or disgusting. It’s a normal part of human nature. By setting aside the shame, and disgust and by removing the secret allows for potential and conscious enjoyment to come into a relationship.
Men who peg report they mostly stay with the classic sexual arrangement with their partner but use pegging as an additional and fun filled way to mix things up. Some men like the process of preparation, being dominated and being the receiver. Getting your head around mixing up your sex routine with pegging includes challenges to the traditional gender-based ideas of what sex is and should be.
Men can feel shame in bringing the concept of pegging into their relationship. Exploring and coming to understand the role reversal, the change in power and control elements as well as the pleasure experience will take time to negotiate. Sex requires vulnerability and an openness to explore together, and aims to be mutually pleasurable.
A word of caution in that not all men will want to be pegged as traditionally men are not the receptive partner, nor will your partner be willing to participate. If your partner is not into it, then don’t push it. It may take time to come to terms with mixing up your sex life. Careful and sensitive exploration and communication is required with lots of questions to be explored to understand the reason for asking a partner to participate. Taking things slowly at first through play, slowly introducing pegging with the use of toys is a good start as navigating the role reversal will require honest communication.
As pegging becomes more common, some women are more open to participating. More men are coming forward wanting to bring pegging into their relationship. For some it’s been a desire that has been ignored or they have secretly participated in without sharing their desire with their partner.
It may help to speak to someone first before your introduce the concept of pegging to your partner. If you are considering introducing pegging to your relationship this will require careful and sensitive communication to help distil those taboos and fears.