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For anyone who has an experience of being bullied, there are potential long standing consequences that follow into adulthood.  Despite the advances towards inclusion and acceptance of LGBTQI+ people in the wider society, bullying remains an ongoing problem. It is not unusual for clients who come to therapy, as individuals or as a couple, to have experienced bullying in one form or another.  Bullying discriminates against those who are different and in young men at school any deviation from the heteronormative culture, become a target and open to discrimination.

More and more identified cis-straight men are taking pleasure in a type of anal sex that is taboo in many relationships. Pegging has been around for a considerable time having its claim to fame in the TV series Broad City and yet, remains mostly a secret between men and their partners. The societal pressures and homophobia concerns is that anal play is only for gay men and participating and having pleasure from being pegged is beyond most couples understanding.  Any man who enjoys being pegged must be gay!  More men are coming to my practice who enjoy pegging and yet are afraid to speak openly about it.

Intimacy is essential for any relationship to thrive and can be confusing at times, with a range of complex emotional responses being experienced. Gay male relationships face intimacy challenges, especially for men who haven’t been exposed to significant male role models. When starting a new romantic-fuelled relationship, the experience of intimacy can be immediate. In contrast, some relationships take time for intimacy to develop. When intimacy is missing, taken for granted or avoided in a relationship, a stumbling block to having a lasting and meaningful relationship emerges. 

Existentially, change is a condition that all human beings in their lifetime will experience. We can’t avoid it. It captures the essence of what it means to be human. Change, however, as a constant in our lives, is the source of disruption and continuity. We can eagerly embrace change as something that brings hope and expectation of something new while also recognising that change can be a threat, intimidating, and to be avoided.

Dating apps have been in use for decades, evolving from their earliest conception of chat room conversations with the expectation to connect with someone and then arrange to meet up. Fast forwarding to today, the apps with their carefully designed algorithms with promises to meet that someone special or more simply for a hook up. What are some of the pitfalls?

Established and acceptable forms of monogamous relationships relied on many factors such as socio-political, cultural and religious ideologies as well as practical and financial considerations. Today the freedom to choose and define what constitutes a relationship takes a broader understanding.

There are many definitions of how intimacy can be understood, and everyone has their own take on what intimacy means to them.  Intimacy develops when two people come together who care for and support one another through a reciprocal and mutually connecting emotional bond that develops and increases over time. In relationships, intimacy differences can bring their own challenges. 

In any relationship, there are reasons couples have difficulty connecting. One common issue is becoming more prevalent is gaslighting. At the heart of gaslighting is manipulation and control, and if left unchecked it will undermine your self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall feeling of safety.

There are generations of married men who have previously identified as heterosexual that have taken the bold step of coming to terms with their sexual identity. This can be one of the most challenging, and fearful decisions, given what is at stake.