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Many of the men I work with come out later in life. Some are married to women. Many are fathers. Almost all carry a long history of knowing something about themselves that felt unsafe to name out loud.

Often, they tell me they always knew. Sometimes the knowing was clear; sometimes it was confused by feelings for women and men or buried under the hope that things would somehow resolve themselves. 

Coming out later in life is not about dishonesty or failure. In many cases, it was the only way to survive in a world that did not feel safe enough to tell the truth.

When we talk about intimacy in gay men’s relationships, the conversation often jumps straight to sex. But intimacy runs deeper than physical closeness—it’s also about feeling safe, understood, and emotionally connected. For many gay men, emotional intimacy comes with unique layers shaped by culture, identity, and personal history. Challenges often arise when one partner craves emotional intensity and the other prefers space. Research suggests that this is not incompatibility, but rather a call for negotiation. Couples who articulate their needs, engage in small rituals of connection, and focus on attachment security tend to report greater satisfaction.

When we think about intimacy in gay relationships, our minds often go straight to sex. While sexual connection is important, it’s only one piece of the puzzle. One of the most powerful ways to stay close in a relationship has nothing to do with sex at all. What often gets overlooked is the quiet, steady, and deeply nourishing role of non-sexual touch, the kind of everyday physical closeness that says “I’m here, I’ve got you” without needing anything in return.
In response to the increasing use of hook-up apps, Gay Cuddle Clubs have sprung up in London to help men connect with intimacy through non-sexual touch, while intimacy coaches are on the increase in the United States.

What is it about younger men that are attractive to older men, and does the younger person know what they want in an older man? What turns them both on, and who is clearer on what they are looking for?

Tony Silva’s (2023) research on age-gap relationships reported that in the Western world, same-sex (man-man) couples are far more likely to have age gaps compared to other relationships (woman-man and woman-woman). Also, in same-sex male relationships, men are more likely to have interracial age gap relationships than among different-sex couples.

Are couples looking to relationship counselling as a last resort, hoping the Counsellor will fix the relationship? Many couples put off coming along to relationship counselling as it seems time-consuming and costly, and they don’t see how speaking about their relationship difficulties with someone else is helpful. Some couples get stuck and entrenched in old behaviour patterns, and conversations go around in circles. It can be upsetting to admit your relationship isn’t working, and embarrassing having to be vulnerable in front of a professional. The good news is that relationship counselling can help. The not-so-good news is that it requires work and a commitment to engage in the not-so-good stuff that’s happening between you.

Have you experienced Cheating or infidelity in your relationship? Has your partner cheated on you, or have you cheated on them? Maybe you are suspicious that something is going on.  Then, you are not alone. In a survey in the United Kingdom of 1000 gay men, 58% of them said their partner had cheated on them, 51% reported they had cheated on their partner and had suspicions that something was going on outside the relationship.

Once infidelity or Cheating occurs in a relationship, the impact can be devastating. Couples often ask in counselling, “Is it possible for a relationship to survive and move forward when cheating happens?”

Despite today’s advancements, gay men are still struggling to find meaningful relationships. Relationships are challenging and require ongoing navigation through life’s ups and downs. Building lasting relationships for most people is one of the ongoing challenges; however, for gay men, having a mutually respectful and loving relationship is complex.

With the achievements of gay liberation movements along with the decriminalisation of homosexuality, the AIDS epidemic, the legalisation of gay men’s rights, today’s same-sex marriage, discrimination legislation and a wider acceptance, then what stops some gay men from having meaningful and lasting relationships.

Men learn to hide parts of themselves, the correlation between those early experiences of shame is linked to the development of self-reproach and internalised homophobia.

From early boyhood, young gay men learn to hide who they are in fear of being bullied, harassed and made fun of. It’s just as prevalent for men who identify as bisexual, queer, are married, and are same-sex attracted. With the realisation of being different from the crowd, most gay men learn to hide those parts of themselves as unacceptable. Gay men learn to retreat into themselves, to hide parts of their identity from others.

Coming together as a throuple can be an exciting time for any relationship. If you are considering moving from an established dyad relationship by introducing a third person or beginning a new throuple relationship, here are some pointers you may want to consider

The most common configuration of a throuple is when an established relationship invites a third person to join them. These vary from couple to couple; however, most couples report falling in love with a third person as the dominant reason.